The Duties of Parents: Holy Discipline
Posted By Jacque on September 20, 2009
I am reading The Duties of Parents by JC Ryle. I have just started it, but I am looking forward to his points.
The first point is Train up your child with all tenderness, affection, and patience. He points out that he is not meaning that it is ok to spoil a child, just that “Love should be the silver thread that runs through all your conduct.” This includes the following:
Kindness,
Gentleness,
long-suffering,
forbearance,
patience,
sympathy,
a willingness to enter into childish troubles,
a readiness to take part in childish joys.
My parents did not have an understanding of the Lord, so I was not raised in this manner at all. My mother was the disciplinarian and the breadwinner, my biological father removed himself from the picture, and my adoptive father, well, he was something. He did teach us many things, and I love him and respect him today, but he has many, many regrets from those years and has told me as much.
I know my mother loved me, and she did do as well as she could being a single parent for the most part, but she certainly did not have time to be those things listed above. She was a stern disciplinarian. Though she did what she could on her off-times, I now know, as a mom, that sending children off to summer camp and softball leagues, overnights with friends, and the like, are not what a child really wants. That is what the world tells you is what they want and need, but, honestly, I can tell you that they want time with their father and time with their mother, walking and talking, sharing hearts, being all of those things listed above.
I love the last two: a willingness to enter into childish troubles, and a readiness to take part in childish joys. Those two things, especially, are missing when a child is always off with their friends or doing some other “good” activity without their parents or siblings. I understand the guilt that is placed on parents today, that we aren’t giving our children what they need, what they want. I understand that we really don’t know the purposes of parenting and family. But, once we feel that tugging on our hearts and in our spirits to NOT conform to the world’s fulfillment of childhood, we should not continue on as if we don’t know. GOD has a plan for His People, and when he starts working in our hearts, letting us know what will complete and fulfill a child’s heart or a father’s heart or a mother’s heart, then let’s not worry about what others think. Let’s do it.
Fruit of the Spirit
I love the application of the Fruit to our children. Of course! How else are they going to learn to display them and to not walk in the works of the flesh?! To think, that during discipline, is the best time to display these fruit, to show them the love of the Father and to walk in the Spirit when they are decidedly in sin, will need His love and gentleness, is not what the world teaches in any capacity – with children or adults.
Unfortunately, breaking free from the stern-disciplinarian parenting model is not an easy thing. Having a husband who works two jobs and is not home very much, and is more of an introvert also makes it as hard to break free. I know that the Holy Spirit is the only one who can give us, as women who were trained in feminist theology, the power and true godliness to break free and apply the true meaning of discipline.
I am thankful that my husband does take the time to talk to and lead our children into the proper behaviour and lead them to the Word and to love. To not just discipline, but to disciple them.
Discipline does not mean to punish, as it has come to mean in our society. Discipline means To Learn. It is akin to Discipleship.
DISCIPLINE, n. [L., to learn.]
1. Education; instruction; cultivation and improvement, comprehending instruction in arts, sciences, correct sentiments, morals and manners, and due subordination to authority. 2. Instruction and government, comprehending the communication of knowledge and the regulation of practice; as military discipline, which includes instruction in manual exercise, evolutions and subordination. 3. Rule of government; method of regulating principles and practice; as the discipline prescribed for the church. 4. Subjection to laws, rules, order, precepts or regulations; as, the troops are under excellent discipline; the passions should be kept under strict discipline. 5. Correction; chastisement; punishment intended to correct crimes or errors; as the discipline of the strap
I am sure that is why the misunderstanding understanding and misapplication in disciplining our children in today’s society. We do not apply the correct meaning to the word. What better way to discipline, disciple, teach and correct our children than in the love and admonishment of the Lord, by the workings of the Fruit of the Spirit?
In addition to the example we are giving, we are also practicing Fruit of the Spirit parenting. I get frustrated when I have called one of our children in for the fifth time, spoken to them, disciplined them, and I am having to do it again. Or walk into a room that was cleaned up an hour ago, and older children cannot put away things they got out. It can be frustrating. It can get to us. And we can give it to God and walk in the Spirit and not in the flesh.
Tonight, Caleb was not listening. He did not want to do what he was told. Very gently, I reminded him of something I know he wants to do: please Yehovah and honour his parents. I told him that he was breaking the commandments of Yehovah to honour his parents, and I asked him if he wanted to be a good boy (which I already knew the answer to). Without a word, he looked over at the pencils he just previously refused to pick up, and walked over and picked them up. No problems. See, I know he loves his parents and he is growing in his understanding and love for Yehovah. We are teaching him gently that he has to make his own decisions to obey. He has to resist the flesh and walk in peace and in the Holy Spirit. It was such a blessing to see our four year old make that good and right choice. What a blessing it was!
Take the time to pray and seek Yehovah God, the Scriptures, and His Spirit in matters of discipline. Take the time. Don’t just let it go because you have a schedule to follow. THIS is life. THIS is what’s more important. Take the time and love your children into the Kingdom, leading them and teaching them to follow God’s laws that will set them free from the flesh.
It is what is given to parents to do. Let’s do it.
I hope this encourages you in your discipline – your discipleship – of your children.
may you be blessed~
Subscribe to Walking Therein by Email
Disclaimer: Though I am looking forward to gleaning wonderful truths from this book, I do not fully endorse all of JC Ryle’s Bible teachings or beliefs.
Similar Articles
Thank you for visiting! Please be sure to see my right sidebar and give what you can to the Gleaning the Harvest widowed and single-parent home school families. It only takes a moment and is safe to donate through Paypal.
Comments
17 Responses to “The Duties of Parents: Holy Discipline”
Leave a Reply
Please note: Comment moderation is currently enabled so there will be a delay between when you post your comment and when it shows up. Patience is a virtue; there is no need to re-submit your comment.
This is very good. That type of discipline is good for my daughter who aims to please her parents and her Heavenly Father.
Unfortunately, our 4-year old son has a bit of a stronger will (yet not much). Almost every morning when I say it’s time for our devotions and Proverbs reading, his response is almost always the same. “I don’t like devotional or Proverbs”. I think it’s mostly an attitude thing, but I proceed to read anyways, telling him that is fine, but he must be quiet and listen anyways.
I know he’s catching what I’m saying, too, because he has quoted verses back to me during times of correction or reprimand. (That was God reassuring me that my son is listening and encouraging me to keep up with it).
Anyways, I guess I wonder how I can get my son to want to please God when he doesn’t yet understand what salvation is? There are times when he is not motivated by such a request. To continue to talk and persuade him to obey does not work well, because I would always lose. In this case correction would be in order.
I do believe as children get older and correction has been consistent, they will need it less and less.
Anyhoo, any other suggestions for such temperaments?
Christin´s last blog ..Fall Into Reading 2009
[Reply]
A book I have been enjoying and finding very encouraging that you might also enjoy and which discusses the raising of children and discipline etc, is “The Olive Plants: Raising Spiritual Children”, written by Warren Henderson. You might enjoy some of his other books too about being Biblical Women and Men, etc. I find it so difficult to discipline my children, sometimes they are so rebellious. Something I’ve been trying to encourage them in lately, is that when i ask them to do something, they are not just doing it for me, they are serving the Lord by being obedient. They like to serve the Lord, it seems to really encourage them to obey
Clara´s last blog ..Saturday’s Song – a little late!
[Reply]
September 21st, 2009 at 1:57 am
That is important to teach them once they understand: to please the Lord. They will want to please us, and that is a good time to instill what Yeshua said: “If you love me, keep my commandments,” but there is a time that we explain that we obey the Father also, because he loves us and we love him.
I have a story about that I talked to Caleb comparing my protecting the new baby in my womb and Yehovah protecting us in him. He got it, and he is only 4.
I truly have found good info in No Greater Joy online articles and in their books. My mother trained us up a lot like the Pearl’s as far as consistency was when we were young children. We just knew. Had she been a Believer, it would have been very good!
http://nogreaterjoy.org
I can’t say I agree with all they teach, and I don’t agree with all their doctrine, but a lot of what they say is scriptural and right on in child-training.
[Reply]
September 21st, 2009 at 9:46 am
Oh I enjoy No Greater Joy Ministries very much, too.
In all fairness, I think I need to do more intentional conversations with my son about God. Reading the Bible is good, but personal conversations I think would really help solidify things.
Thank you for your feedback. ((hugs))
Christin´s last blog ..If Mama Ain’t Happy…
[Reply]
September 24th, 2009 at 3:05 am
I agree, and I believe that is the Holy Spirit telling you that.
Deuteronomy 6 tells us to walk and talk with our children about all that he has done for us. We are to specifically tell them about his ways and what he desires from us as his people and children.
Teaching these to a young child allows him to grow up with them, knowing they are true, because the Lord God said it. It prepares them to trust in him and his ways when Mom and Dad are not there. It is kept in their hearts – as King David said- so that they will know His Ways and that walking against them is sin, so that he will walk IN them as he grows.
Yehovah God set up a perfect plan for his people, to protect us and lead us and love us. We must look to those ways for these purposes and to be free from the world and its way of thinking. Our children will be blessed as we walk and talk with them about him and his ways.
Deuteronomy 6 has always been a favourite passage of mine. Also, Jeremiah 6:16-17, which is what I have based both of my blogs on:
Here is what ADONAI says: “Stand at the crossroads and look; ask about the ancient paths, ‘Which one is the good way?’ Take it, and you will find rest for your souls. But they said, ‘We will not take it.’ 17 I appointed sentinels to direct them: ‘Listen for the sound of the shofar.’ But they said, ‘We will not listen.’
We must listen. And we must teach them to our children!
Love your heart Christin! Praying Yehovah will show you your son’s heart and how to tie your children’s heartstrings close to yours so that you may always keep them – close to HIM!
I didn’t know JC Ryle wrote that book. I will have to look that up. We have many books of JC Ryle & enjoy his teaching. Thanks for sharing!
[Reply]
Beautiful post Jacque! wow… I also grew up in a similar manner. I was adopted by my
aunt…. who was a full time working mom…. stern disciplinarian. I have to really bite my
tongue a lot with my children and pray for softness of heart when I have an issue with them.
How wonderful that we belong to a Jehovah who can heal any and ALL hurts of the past
and allow us to raise our children in a more loving manner.
My spouse is also quiet and an introvert. His mother was not happy that his dad wanted them
in church and doing Bible studies at home. She put his father down a lot in front of him for this
faith in Christ. So my spouse in a Christian… but his parents divorced over petty issues …. of
money and faith….. and so he is very quiet in this area and I pray God will challenge his heart
more to step out of his shell and share his faith more with me and his children. He is a good
man and just needs to be allowed to be the leader God has called him to be.
Healing from these feministic generations will take time for many of us….. for women and men
alike have been damaged spiritually from being raised by working moms and dads who died
slow spiritual deaths, so to speak.
I just so related to your post!!! I am so glad you are in our lives and doing this ministry online.
God Bless…
Kathy
Kathy´s last blog ..We are not expected to Parent alone…
[Reply]
Ephesians 6:4 Has a great deal of statement.
As parents we are to bring up our children into training and instruction of the Lord. I think this can be a very good insight for us.
God bless!!!
[Reply]
September 22nd, 2009 at 9:14 pm
Thanks Vince. Yes, it does, and it sure can be. It is a verse we teach our children. The neat thing about that and one that most Christians don’t know is the origin: The Torah. Children were taught a respect of Yehovah’s commands and their parents as they learned about why he was their God who delivered them from the bondage of Egypt. This was commanded to be remembered from Mt. Sinai to all generations, as were the other commandments. They had the opportunity to know where the blessings came from as they stemmed from that.
I have found that teaching them the basics of Yehovah God’s commandments and his love makes it a lot easier for them to grasp the love they are to have for us. After all, no one always feels like loving or obeying, but knowing those are commands from a holy loving Father God makes it more understandable that they don’t just have to do it because the Bible says so, but because the Creator of the Universe, the Most High God, set it up this way and gave these words and commands to us as a loving protection for when we don’t feel like it.
He is a loving Father who instructs, disciplines and keeps his children, and all we have to do is to walk in his ways.
That is his loving and simple instruction, and the base of the Ephesians 6 verses. I love to hear our children repeat them. Our 4yo started repeating them on his own when I would ask him what he should have done as we talked during a time of correction. I remember the first time he said it, it took me a bit by surprise, but I was so happy to hear it!!
[Reply]
Trying out my “newish” wordpress blog.
HSB Suzanne (aka Anita)´s last blog ..Wanting to write…
[Reply]
I think that what this is getting to is the “heart” of discipline. We need to be training the heart and not just the outward actions. When striving only for the outward actions we often do so more sternly. When we seek to train the heart — that is a different task and MUST be done with love and the fruit of the Spirit. When the heart is trained the actions will follow.
MamaArcher´s last blog ..When Doctrine Becomes Creedal
[Reply]
September 24th, 2009 at 2:57 am
I agree wholeheartedly Kristine. Very good differentiation. A lot of times, we still see the outward appearances of disobedience, but the love and obedience training/discipleship is reaching the heart. We have to continue in training, but may not see the good fruit until the tares that have grown up alongside are pushed out.
A friend told me long ago that when a good seed is planted alongside a bad seed that has already bore fruit, the good seed will take time to root, then as it grows, it must push out the old bad roots – which may be a long process – and one where we see the BAD roots exposed.
Eventually, those roots will all be pushed out and replaced, but we must not take the attitudes in a young child getting worse as meaning that they are not getting it.
Likely, it is just the opposite, but the flesh is trying hard to hang on to those roots. Through love, Scriptures and consistent training and discipleship, the good roots can take hold as the old are pushed out and replaced.
I have always loved that analogy!
[Reply]
I agree with everything and I think I finally understand the “HOW’s” of training the heart. Before, I couldn’t grasp it. I’d read “Shepherding a Child’s Heart” several times, but always left frustrated because I didn’t understand the HOW’s of training the heart. He talks plenty on why we need to. But doesn’t give application (at least none that I found).
Basically, get our children into THE WORD. Only the Holy Spirit can change the heart, but my job is to plant the seed….day after day after day. What a relief and enlightenment for me! Thank you Holy Spirit! Thank you God for using Jacque to bless me and enlighten me to your Truth and direct me. Father, you are truly amazing.
Christin´s last blog ..Living Parallel Lives in the Same Space
[Reply]
Thanks for this motivation. I needed it this week. Love you, Robin
[Reply]
What a great post! I am sometimes so discouraged parenting adolescents but God recently reminded me that compared to how I acted at their age they are a piece of cake! That is because they have been raised with discipline, consequences and values. If our children have God’s word hidden in their heart they will have the tools they need to withstand temptation (and hormones LOL)
[Reply]
Jacque,
This sounds very similar to Hints on Child Training by H.C. Trumball. He says almost the exact same thing in regards to entering into a child’s joys and interests and of making our home a place where they “want” to be (without vitiating their tastes, of course!)
You mentioned how you raise your children very differently form how you were raised. It brought me back to when I was a brand new mom just 13 years ago and how I suddenly realized that everything I learned and absorbed through both my mom and other unsaved family members was a stark contrast to how I wanted to be as a new Christian mom. I didn’t really have but maybe one or two role models of how to be a loving christian mom, but praise GOD-I had His Word and through His Spirit and Grace I was able to begin from the “ground up.”
It is still a process and we must daily choose to die to ourselves, but Christ really does “make all things new” if we submit to Him. Even if we must re-learn everything we were ever taught!
His Mercies really are new every morning! Great is Thy Faithfulness!
Love in Christ,
Michelle
[Reply]
October 6th, 2009 at 11:51 am
Amen, it is a daily process. I have a feeling it always will be!
Praise Yehovah for his Spirit and grace… oh yes!!
I do have Hints on Child Training, and I need to go through it again. I do like that book as well. I did have a friend tell me that it was a hard read, though, due to the use of the older English in the way it is written… but it is still one of the best child-training books I have found.
[Reply]