Stressed-out Momma! I Need A Break!
Posted By Jacque on April 30, 2009
My girls have been Tweet-friends with Sarah Mae for awhile now. I, for some strange reason, wasn’t yet following her until yesterday. She posted a very simple, yet honest post today about the trials of being a mother of young children. You will want to read it. I am sure you have faced the same challenges. She has some very sweet comments too. It is a good thing how the Body loves and encourages each other.
Though I am still the mother of young children, I do have older children to help me with them. While having older children doesn’t always make it easier, they are a help most of the time.
….but it hasn’t ALWAYS been that way! There was a time when I had 3 children 4 and under. Amanda had just turned 4, two weeks before Rachel was born. It can be tough. It wasn’t much easier having 5 children 10, 8, 6, 2, and a newborn.
Easier. Funny that that is the focus, isn’t it? Is it supposed to be easy having the toughest and most important job in the world? No, I don’t think so, but knowing the Creator of all these little munchkins sure gives us some answers as to how.
Change Me Oh LORD
Jeremiah 17:9-10
“The heart is more deceitful than anything else and mortally sick. Who can fathom it? 10 I, ADONAI, search the heart; I test inner motivations; in order to give to everyone what his actions and conduct deserve.”
Sarah Mae mentioned her heart and needing a change in it. It is true that the heart is deceitful and changes constantly, and the WORD calls it so. While I agree with her, and she certainly knows her heart better than I do, we do have to remember that we are a product of our environment – our own thoughts, friends, and our society. Our society is not pro-child. They sure want you to think so, but, listen to the attitudes of people about children. Take a good hard look at ads and commercials. Watch as God’s own people ship their children off to school all day and have their own lives, summer camp, sunday school class, etc. to get them out of their hair. Listen to what they say when they are pregnant or their children are home on Spring Break or Summer Vacation and they can’t wait for school to start again.
Ephesians 4:17-25
17 Therefore I say this – indeed, in union with the Lord I insist on it: do not live any longer as the pagans live, with their sterile ways of thinking. 18 Their intelligence has been shrouded in darkness, and they are estranged from the life of God, because of the ignorance in them, which in turn comes from resisting God’s will. 19 They have lost all feeling, so they have abandoned themselves to sensuality, practicing any kind of impurity and always greedy for more. 20 But this is not the lesson you learned from the Messiah! 21 If you really listened to him and were instructed about him, then you learned that since what is in Yeshua is truth, 22 then, so far as your former way of life is concerned, you must strip off your old nature, because your old nature is thoroughly rotted by its deceptive desires; 23 and you must let your spirits and minds keep being renewed, 24 and clothe yourselves with the new nature created to be godly, which expresses itself in the righteousness and holiness that flow from the truth. 25 Therefore, stripping off falsehood, let everyone speak truth with his neighbor, d because we are intimately related to each other as parts of a body.
Sometimes it is not our heart, but our minds and thoughts we need to renew. We are bombarded with what the world believes, and with what we hear other Believers say that just doesn’t line up with the WORD. What we really need is to get in the Word and read, read, READ what HE believes about our children.
As we renew our minds, our heart is also renewed, and we start speaking what he has said, instead of what we think or feel. The battle for the hearts and minds of mothers is a fierce one, and one we must win. The world tells us it is ok to let our feelings(or hormones) get in the way of expressing the natural affection God has given us as mothers.
This is a lie.
I’m not saying we won’t feel this way, because we will all feel this way some days. I feel this way some days. But it is only a feeling, and we can’t give in to those feelings. The LORD will give us the strength and the answers we need.
Romans 12:1-3
1 I exhort you, therefore, brothers, in view of God’s mercies, to offer yourselves as a sacrifice, living and set apart for God. This will please him; it is the logical “Temple worship” for you. 2 In other words, do not let yourselves be conformed to the standards of the ‘olam hazeh. Instead, keep letting yourselves be transformed by the renewing of your minds; so that you will know what God wants and will agree that what he wants is good, satisfying and able to succeed. 3 For I am telling every single one of you, through the grace that has been given to me, not to have exaggerated ideas about your own importance. Instead, develop a sober estimate of yourself based on the standard which God has given to each of you, namely, trust.
I am sorry, but “Me-Time” is a myth. We are mothers. We do not put ourselves first; we make sacrifices because that is how God has created us. Jesus is the best example we have of sacrifice, and we will certainly not be called to make the sacrifices he did, but, just as he did, we have to spend time with the LORD and prepare for the days ahead.
I fall down miserably in this many times a day, and I want to cry to – or scream! – but, if I take God’s view, I will see it is very different than my feelings.
BUT!!
I am stressed out!! WHAT CAN I DO!!!
First of all, do as I said above: RENEW your mind in the WORD! If you are feeling like you need “Me Time”, it’s probably because you need “Me-and-God-Time”. Do an in-depth study of what the WORD says about children and if you can’t figure it out, ask God how they are being blessings right now. “Show me them as blessings, LORD!” I will tell them they are blessings from God when they misbehave and tell them I expect them to be a blessing too.
Secondly: Stop listening to what others say about how you need a break and how tough it is and just building up your own pity-party. Yes, it is tough, and yes, you feel like you need a break, but that is unreasonable. You are the mom, you have the responsibility, put yourself second and your children first and ask God to remove those feelings, and if need be, those friends. Instead, if they see you struggling or ask how you are, just tell them you are studying God’s Word and ask them to pray you will find God’s plan for you and your children.
Third: Change your environment – and theirs!
*Go outside. Even with young children, we can go on a walk or go outside and play in the dirt.
*Play hide and seek in the house.
*Give them a rag and clean something. No, the job won’t be done well, but that isn’t the goal. The goal is to have fun and change your perspective at the moment.
*Go to your bed, grab a favourite book of theirs and snuggle and read. And Read and snuggle.
*Make some hot cocoa.
*Go out for ice cream.
*SMILE. It is amazing how different you feel when you smile, even in the midst of a fit! You will start to see a different reaction in your children as well, as you smile at them and they smile back.
Fourth: If you are dealing with physical changes in your body that wreak havoc in your system, be sure to:
*Spend alone time in the WORD and soothe your spirit.
*Eat healthy! Eating organic will help rid your body of pesticides that will ruin your system and play on your hormones. Cut out the caffeine, junk food and even dairy if it sets you off. I can’t eat anything with nitrates in it or I get terrible migraines.
*Get fresh air.
*Take natural supplements if you need to. I got to where I knew if I was lacking in B-vitamins, because stress drains your system of B’s, and I could tell when I needed them.
In addition: Are you nursing a baby?
If you are, you need extra calories and nutrition. You will need more water. You will need time alone to sit with baby while the other children have QT. No, this won’t happen at each nursing time, but at least once a day.
Fifth: Do your children have a QT or take naps? Set rules, stick it out until they know they have to and do it. Make it a Quiet Time on their beds. Let them read a book or hold a favourite toy. The rule is quiet.
Finally – or Firstly, whichever fits for you: Talk to your husband about it. Let it all out. Tell him you are struggling. Tell him you need his advice. Ask him to pray for you and with you. Don’t expect it to be all the right answers, and you might even feel worse after talking to him – but, he needs to know and will likely come back after mulling it over with some good advice, and at the least, you have unburdened yourself to a trusted friend whose interest in your children is above all others!
A Word of Warning about having someone else watch your children while you “take a much-needed break”:
It is habit-forming. If that is the first answer you turn to, then God cannot work in you to overcome the feelings you have and renew your mind. He wants you to enjoy your children and have patience with them and love them as he loves you. He desires your heart to change. He gave these blessings to you for his glory. Taking an absence from that will not allow his will to be done in your life or your children’s. Period.
Beware of the quick-fixes and allowing your children to learn that is the answer. It is not. Being a mother is a hard job because it is a God-given one. It is shaping the hearts and minds of God’s people and building his kingdom for his glory. It is the most important thing you will ever do.
blessings to you on your journey~
All scripture taken from the Complete Jewish Bible.
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24 Responses to “Stressed-out Momma! I Need A Break!”
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I am going to print this out and read it over and over and over again! I’m also going to link to it from my blog tomorrow.
You are a God send, a wise Titus 2 woman and I want to take in all that you have to say because I know it is truth!
Everything you said, I have been going towards – wanting “me-time” but the problem is, it is never enough…it’s like trying to escape your life. People watching your kiddos – I can see how this would become so addicting (although I don’t have peole watch my babes, but I could I probably would). And how we view things, our attitudes, oh yes! Mine is awful lately. My poor husband gets the brunt of it. I’ve begun to think like society – my children are leeches. I hate those thoughts! I’m just so drained…I feel like my body is everyone else’s but mine. I just feel like I’m cracking and I can’t hold it together. I need Jesus SO desperately.
Thank you so much for your wise and godly words, how I cling to them.
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April 30th, 2009 at 12:29 pm
Oh Sarah, I have tears in my eyes… Thank you.
This is not the popular view, and it is hard putting things like this out there to possibly offend those you care about.
May the LORD bless and keep you as you walk in Him!
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Great post Jacque! Anytime we seek Jesus in this morally corrupt world we will have the “not popular view”. God bless you and your beautiful heart!
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Jacque, I wish I could just embrace you with a hug right now!! This is SO true and sometimes the reminder and encouragement to keep moving forward is MUCH NEEDED.
I have read that book Passionate Housewives Desperate for God and it is a sure treasure for moms. I’ve recommended it to many moms, some of who did not receive it well, others who absolutely loved it.
I’m glad for the encouragement and advice you’ve given to Sarah Mae. She is a dear, sweet blogging friend of mine.
I’ve done a review on Passionate Housewives, with the same exact feelings Sarah Mae has said about wanting more “me time” but it never being enough. Wow, it’s like we’re one accord, lol.
I’m at a point right now where I’m struggling, too. I needed this, too. Thank you!
Christins last blog post..On Marriage: How to Win a Fight
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Yes, it is hard to put ourselves second to that extent. It is a very humbling experience having many small children. You see what’s really inside of you. Not very holy stuff, unfortunately. Going outside is a wonderful mood-changer for me. I sometimes don’t think of it or am too lazy to carry it out, but it’s a really good solution when I use it. We need God so much. That’s what these situations show us. You expressed your views really well. I get me-time now because of my older children’s help, and I really appreciate it. I needed my husband’s help more when they were younger, and God sent people alongside him to let him know that he wasn’t involved with his family enough. He was a work-aholic. But God changed him in time. And He sustained me throughout that season. My kids haven’t suffered from my occasional tirades when tiredness and selfishness overcame me. They are very compassionate and understanding. They’ve experienced some of those feelings themselves when dealing with younger siblings, so they know how I’ve felt at times.
Penney Douglass last blog post..An Easter Giveaway You Won’t Want to Miss
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July 23rd, 2009 at 5:11 pm
Penney~
Thank you for this comment. I read it when you posted it in April, but it is a very refreshing comment to read again, because it is so transparent.
Thank you for sharing from your heart with my readers. May Yehovah God give you peace and presence of mind when you are in a stressful situation.
I agree, my children haven’t suffered from my occasional tirades when tiredness and selfishness overcame me, either. I am thankful for the Grace of our Father and his mercies that are new every morning. I am thankful for his sufficiency, and for my children, who are pretty wonderful too!
Bless you today, sister!
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Wow…thank you…I’m so glad that Sarah Mae linked you in…cuz I’d never seen your blog…and I feel so blessed. Some hard stuff to follow and admit…Thank you for the challenge to view my roles rightly in God’s Word!
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I am still humbled at the links I am getting into this post.
It is a hard thing to break free from the mindset of the world and the feminist ideology we have been fed a diet of for so many years. It is like a stranglehold on our hearts. It creates a battlefield in our hearts and minds.
But God has a different plan and a different diet that is life and cleansing, healing water to our souls.
This is just as it is for our marriages. God has a beautiful plan and a beautiful love and relationship that we have not been taught and do not see very often. It is foreign to the world, and to most christians, but we can be renewed by reading the Word and replacing what we have had ingrained into our hearts with the TRUTH.
Blessings to each of you and all who read~
Jacque
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thank you for the post. i’m just taking life one day at a time and i feel like i can make it another day after reading your post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank you and God bless.
love,
a blessed mother
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Jacque,
Thank you!!!
I have a Mommy Time Out spot (a work in progress) but, on the shelf are 3 items… 1. tissue (as the time out is usually an emotional thing) 2. my Bible and 3. 10 minute Mommy Time Outs a wonderful book of short bits of inspiration with scripture.
I only have 2 children but some days it feels like they are an army of 20… we take it one day at a time and give it to God as often as needed.
Cariann
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July 28th, 2009 at 12:07 am
Cariann~
This is a great idea. I mean, a really great idea.
Thank you for sharing it with me!
blessings~
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[...] like this. But this resonated with me this morning. You can read the entire blog post at Walking Therein. Written by a mom of 8 named [...]
Jacque,
Thank you so much for this post! It is just the thing I needed to hear right now. God used your words to get my heart back on the right track. Thank you.
Blessings,
Mrs. H
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Jacque, I’m not even sure how I landed here at your blog (will have to backtrack to remember
!) but I know God brought me here today to here words of truth. His words through you! His truth. I needed this so much today! Thank you.
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This is beautifully written. I have 6 children now and have had to learn this lesson the hard way. I was early influenced by a Christian organization that pushes the idea of “Me-time” to Christian mothers. I realize after about 3 years of being involved in this group (even in leadership) that all their ideas and promises were simply lies. I pulled my two oldest children out of Mother’s Day Out and brought them home with me. I have slowly surrendered my “Me-time” to the Lord and can honestly say that I only have one hour (know as Quiet Hour in our home) that I use to take a nap and catch up on things I can’t do when they are awake. I get up very early to make sure I have time to get things done that I can’t do when my children are awake. My oldest is 10 yod and a very big help. . but it’s still not easy.
This post reflects my heart and what I want to minister to so many young mothers that I meet at church (and beyond.) I still have to remember that it’s not about me more than I care to admit. Being a mother has nothing to do with me. It has everything to do with serving my Savior by serving my children. Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you for posting this and encouraging moms NOT to follow the teaching that even the church has adopted. God Bless.
Karen´s last blog ..The Newest Addition
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I went through a time of overwhelming stress with just my two little ones. Illnesses kept attacking our family and I was worn out, to say the least. My children were cranky and miserable. We were all sick of being sick. My daughter contracted a viral infection and was up at night. I was exhausted and getting sicker from the exhaustion….I mean literally heading for the ER if something didn’t change. I was stressed.
On the floor of my children’s room in the wee hours just after midnight, I cried out the Lord. Every bit of emotion came out of me. I’m sure if anyone saw me, they probably would have committed me to a mental hospital for evaluation, but I was in pure prayer, touched by the Holy Spirit. I believe I spoke in tongues! When I was done, I felt so peaceful (usually after an emotional outbreak I feel exhausted). I curled up on the floor and slept a restful sleep…and so did my daughter. Since then, my stress as a mother has been significantly less. I seek the Lord in the morning.
Thank you,
Kate
Kate Scott´s last blog ..Attack!!!
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My husband is in the military so he is gone all the time. So the me time thing is something I hear alot of. So thank you so much for this. Its a nice reminder of how things should be and making me feel normal for wanting my kids around all the time.
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Thank you for this inspirational post. It has been such a blessing to glean from the wisdom that the Lord has given you. I struggle so often in this domain, so I am very grateful for your biblical encouragement.
Christine´s last blog ..Cascade of Intervention
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Thank you for this post. This is the first time I have read your blog but the Lord knew I needed to hear it. I have five children and have recently moved to another state. I have been feeling a bit overwhelmed and my husband was out of town for a few days and we have had company for most of the month. I just told my husband I needed a break ( more like wanted a break) but knew in the depths of my heart I really didn’t need one. God just confirmed what I knew to be truth through you. God is so good and loving. Thank you for sharing your heart.
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I’m almost in tears. I needed this today. I just read Matthew 20:25-28 and then stumbled onto this blog. I live the lie of “me time”. God nudged me yesterday with a question…Diversion or solitude? Thank you for this post. Being a mother to many little ones is tough, but so rewarding when we realize Who we are raising these littles for.
a forgetful Mom to five beautiful blessings
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Lovely post, Jacque. I know I could have used this when I had all littles. Now, my youngest is almost 13 & two have gone to heaven. Mothers, appreciate all of your children while you can still put your arms around them! I’ll be linking to this post, as well.
Sherry´s last blog ..Fetuses found to have memories – Washington Times
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Well…I just don’t know. My prayer is that I will delight in my children and in my role as a homemaker, wife, pastor’s wife, but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong for me to want to be alone sometimes or visiting with a friend or going out on a date with my husband. I think there needs to be balance here. It is not ALWAYS wrong or unbiblical to do these things. I would be very cautious about taking something like this and turning it into another rule to obey to make God happy with you…
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Phew, what a great post! Motherhood has been a rough transition for me – I never considered having kids until I met my husband, at age 33 (married at 35); I’d never spent any time with children, so didn’t know anything about them; and I left a career of 20 years in the Army to stay home with our first. Needless to say, it’s been a rough transition.
Your post has been the best thing I’ve read so far (other than the Bible) in helping me adjust. Thank you!
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I have to say, I am with Julie, balance is necessary. I have four children (9, 7, 6, 5), and I need times without them. I am home with them, homeschooling them, and I need breaks. I get worn out. I too need time just with my husband, or just with a girlfriend, or to just do something that rejuvenates me. At the same time, I can understand the writing of this post. There are many women who don’t understand making the sacrifice to be home with their children, not running all over town, etc. It’s no longer all about “me”. Even when things were hard with my children, none of them went to daycare, etc., they were home with me and God showed me many things about myself!
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