I am blessed today to be on the closest path to fulfilling my purpose that I have ever been on. I am privileged to stay at home and train my children in the Lord and an uncompromising education. I am nowhere near where I should be or could be had I been counting it such a privilege to be a wife and mother since I came to the Lord in 1988.

It is hard to admit that I still struggle daily with being a cooperative and pleasant wife of a very hard-working husband. It is a journey I am still on. I do not know why God deemed it my lot to have these wonderful children, but there is not a time I am not thankful. That sounds impossible, but I always end my thoughts, even after frustrations, with how sweet my child is and how much I truly love him or her. That is only from God, because it has not always been this way!

I asked myself for the first ten years – and sometimes I asked others, “Why did God give me three girls first?”. I am not sure I can yet fully answer that question, but it has been proven many times how blessed I am to have three daughters first in our large family. These girls are such a blessing, a joy, and my best girlfriends. I am honored to be their mother.

As I said, we did not really have an understanding of woman and her design and purpose until about nine years ago. God spoke into our hearts about having children. He showed me in His Word why He gives us children and what happens when He gives us children. We started trusting Him in that, and it changed our lives. Shortly after this new-found understanding, we went through some very difficult trials that caused us to search and be confident in God’s Word alone. The things we learned in the next two years put us further into God’s plan for our lives.

At this time, and each year before, I had no idea what a wife really was. I mean, I understood that I was Matt’s partner as a married woman, but I did not understand my Biblical role, and even moreso, I did not understand what that Biblical role of a woman meant to my husband and children. I’m not sure I do yet. I do, in my brain and my heart, but my flesh is unwilling to let me remember sometimes still. ugh. Needless to say, we have stuck with each other through thick and thin, but not in a God-honoring way many times. Only by God’s grace can I shake the feminist bonds and become the lovely woman God created me to be.

Five years ago, I got a hold of a different homeschooling philosophy through such resources as Educating the Wholehearted Child and The Charlotte Mason Companion. Then, three years ago, I found a few sites that promoted a Biblical life. Sadly, that was all new to me. I had been a Christian for fifteen years, but did not have a clear understanding of denying my rights for His. I started reading my Bible differently, and God put a hunger in me to be a Godly wife. I no longer read it from my perspective, but from God’s. It wasn’t the world’s or the Church’s point of view I saw. I finally saw how different Scriptures I had heard or read over and over related to each other. It was as though I understood a new language. I understood that God has a specific personality and is steady. I can see, in His Word, what God thinks about things. He told us, and it is in there, if we look and listen. The Old Testament became more real to me and more a part of the New Testament than it had ever been.

I found some family resources and heard what I had already heard preached many times, but now it seeped into my spirit, and I soaked it all up. I was ecstatic. I was thrilled to finally ’see’ what the Bible meant. I wanted to learn it all and do it all, because we had lost so much time in the first fifteen years I had known the Lord. On the other hand, my girls hated it. I was so full of zeal for this new-found understanding of womanhood, I didn’t want to wait for them to catch up. There were some deep-seated worldly ideals that we had allowed in, and it took quite the strength and perseverance from all of us to get them out. Slowly, though, things changed in all of our hearts.

I put the family on a schedule that helped us do things we had never done before. We cleaned and cooked and homeschooled in an order that allowed for time for other things. We started doing things that the world no longer holds in high regard. We were so thrilled to learn them and enjoy each other and have something to show for it. We were blessed to make quilts and include it as a part of their learning. We started sewing. We spent time scrapbooking together. We had home births with our sixth and seventh children and welcomed two new sons into the family together as a family affair. We bought two goats and became interested in homesteading. There were still rebellion issues with the girls, but God walked us through them. He kept us close through the anger and hurt and brought us closer than we had ever been. He had a purpose.

When the girls and I started blogging in April 2006, my intention was for them to do weekly assignments for English or Research, but, before I knew it, a monster had been created… or two… or three. To this day I am amazed at how God used blogging to shape their perspectives and cause them to research and write things that I never could have anticipated or assigned. They wanted to blog, and they came up with topics on their own. I was quality control, editor, and their personal confidante in many topics, from the silly daily things to heart-breaking issues to deep Biblical posts.

God has allowed blogging to be a large part of our training our daughters. Having the three of them so close in age has allowed them to play off of each other in their beliefs, thoughts and silliness. They can be each others’ biggest heroes and biggest thorns! But, oh! I can see the love and integrity and compassion and fervor they each share for each other. And for their friends! Real life created many opportunities for reflection and soul-searching, and allows them to do it inwardly and openly at the same time. They have grown from the inside out.

Some days, we talk about the Bible and how it relates to our lives for hours. We revisit Scriptures as we serve dinner and clean or watch the Littles. Out of the blue, we can start a conversation about God or His plan or any number of things in His Word and see how it relates to our lives. Are we doing what God has for us? Are our attitudes or thoughts honoring God? Are we being too harsh or judgmental? All of these questions are open conversations in our home, and God uses them to shape us and open our eyes to His truths. And we are blessed.

I always wanted a boy first. I wanted a boy for three consecutive pregnancies. I could not see the future. I did not know what a blessing girls are. I did not understand what it is to be a woman, to train young women, to teach them how to become women. I did not foresee all of the times we would cook together and laugh and cry and scrapbook. All of the heartaches and tears. The smiles and fears that we overcome with the Word of God. And now, to have two daughters who are almost adults, to watch all of my girls, at ages 18, 17, 14, 8, and 1, just love on each other; it is such an honor. It warms my heart in a way that I know only God could have foreseen.

I do not deserve the unconditional love that my daughters show me on a daily basis. Or that any of my children show me, for that matter. I am not always the best example of gentleness, love or holiness. I do not always start my day off in the Word as I would like to do. We have by no means arrived, nor am I saying that our particular journey is the only way to become who God has created woman to be. I am still so sinful, and I do not feel worthy of so many blessings as God has given me. It is a good thing that neither my goodness nor my sinfulness is the measure by which God gives me His grace. It is a good thing He measures it out much more than any of us deserves.

Learning that truth in the past few years has allowed me to look at the role of a woman, a wife, and a mother differently. It is not self that I should look to apply the blessings in Scriptures to. It is not my perspective that is important. It is God’s. My perspective is important in shaping what I believe, but looking at the Word through His eyes is what I need to do. It is the only way I can show God to my children. It is the only way I can stop stomping my foot and demanding my way over my husband’s or my children’s. It is the only way I can be an example of a woman of God, Help Meet to my husband and lover of my children. I know it is my lifelong journey, and I want to fulfill this purpose. And, we have by no means arrived, nor am I saying that our particular journey is the only way to become who God has created woman to be.

Last year I opened a blog on homesteadblogger entitled Training Daughters, Teaching Wives. My intention was to blog about things we had learned or were learning on this journey we have made in becoming Godly women. We were going to be reading Created To be his HelpMeet together, and I thought we could post about it on there. Though we do not blog on it regularly, the TDTW blog has become a little blog compilation of some of our posts,

Instead of worrying about keeping up the blog, I created the Training Daughters, Teaching Wives blogroll. The TDTW blogroll is for moms training their daughters in the Biblical admonishment of training our daughters in the Word and for women teaching wives in the Titus 2 admonishment for the older to teach the younger. Of course, as we train our daughters, we will begin to teach them about being a Godly wife.

We have many wonderful blogs of on the blogroll already. If you are interested in joining the TDTW blogroll please contact me. Adding the blogroll to your blog will not automatically add you to the blogroll itself! I will contact you with the code after taking a look at your blog. )

Here are a some posts from some of the mothers on the Teaching Daughters, Training Wives blogroll. I know you will enjoy them:

Kate at A Simple Walk: Teaching My Daughters to Love a Life at Home

Sally at Diamonds in the Rough: For Mom

If you are interested in visiting more Mothers and daughters on the TDTW blogroll, it is on my sidebar.

blessings!

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*This post originally contained The Letter From A Christian Guy About Modesty. I posted the Letter separately, because it may not be appropriate for all eyes, ears or hearts. Guarding our children’s thought lives is important to me, so I wanted to make it one step harder for them to stumble upon it*

Ask my girls and you will find out that the topic of modesty is not just a fly-by-night issue with my heart, but it is near and dear. I was a very provocative teenager. I intended to be. Many girls -and women, for that matter, do intend to be – provocative.

Some young ladies who claim to be committed to the LORD intend to be noticed, and express it by their immodesty. The letter, Modesty: A letter from True Christian Guys is written with all of the reasons women need to understand about their indulgences in immodest clothing from a man’s point of view.
However, as very important as that is… we need to understand that, if this is so spiritually repulsive to men, then God ~ Jesus, well, need I say more? Do you want to have your Holy Saviour say the same words to you as this young man is? I don’t.

And, if I could add a few more thoughts, I would say to DADS – please do not say “I don’t care,” or “It’s none of my business what my daughter wears,” or “Oh, but isn’t she beautiful in that, though?” or “Well, she has to make those decisions herself now; she’s old enough.” OR-God forbid…”Her Mother will take care of that!”

Even if your daughter is old enough, she needs to know what you think – especially in the area of her Virtue. And, even if your wife doesn’t mind or even wants to take care of their modesty training, encourage them both anyway. Moms can talk all day about some things, and a lot of topics are well-received by daughters. I have found that, my daughters especially, as much as they try to receive the clothing issue in love from Mom, Dad has a grip on their hearts in this area that they want to be held by. I believe it is a man’s God-given authority and responsibility to help his daughter in this area, if it is an issue.

I have also found that clothing is an outward expression of the spirit. Is it an undeniable issue in today’s culture? yes. Is it a touchy issue? it can be. Is it a telling sign of rebellion or submission? I believe so. In boys or girls. This is why we must train our children from birth.
We must speak and act in a holy manner. Christians sometimes take liberties, because we do not look at them in a holy manner. We look at them through our own experiences and desires. Everything is a matter of worldliness and holiness. Everything.

Daughters… you should be willing to receive Dad’s and Mom’s instruction in every area of your life, whether it pertains to something personal or not. Just as the LORD’s ways are higher than ours, they have a larger understanding of the world and its insatiable desire to get you in its grips than you do.

Trust them; believe them; love God through them. Even if – or especially if- you think they are wrong. You need to make yourself do as they say, and do it with a love for God. The only way you can deny this rule is if they are causing you to sin. Having you wear clothing you don’t like (if you don’t like it) is not causing you to sin. Your reaction may be sinful, but that is your choice. Like I said: Trust them; believe them; love God through them.

You will be a better young lady for it, and you will thank them when you are married. You will rejoice and praise them when you stand before the throne of God.

Actually, the swimsuit question was rhetorical. I guessed that, after the Committed Christian Guy made several references to the effects of bare flesh on a male mind, it would mean that swimsuits, by nature, are immodest. And, I, personally, cannot understand the bare flesh leading to other thoughts to keep under subjection, because I have never really thought past the bare legs and chest associated with swimtrunks (though they leave little to wonder about!).

I do believe that modesty is not just being concerned with what someone else thinks. I believe God built each soul with a spirit that wants to be holy and flesh that wants to be, well, hellish. So, that is our decision… holy or hellish.

It’s funny that I just saw a program about this on PBS History Detectives last night after I had posted that entry. It spoke of how these little itty, bitty eyeglasses, with pictures on them, called stanhopes,coming out of Europe in the 1800’s with pictures of scantily-clad or nude women were banned in some countries. It brought up the subject of modesty and the question of why some nude pictures were immodest – or pornographic- and some were considered art. So, almost a century later, with the “free-to-be-me hippy era”, we had to make legislation for those who couldn’t discern it for themselves.

I think when morality and what is modest and what is not was actually legislated in the ’60’s or 70’s (which is not included in the program transcript for some reason), that was the point at which our (we, as a culture) idea of modesty changed. Even if it had changed before, we then had someone who had defined modesty for us, so, even if we felt that something was immodest, we had a law that said otherwise. The definition of modesty was, at that point, being legislated by men, instead of by convictions (from God or the Holy Spirit).

That is where the modest moral Christian today loses sight of what morality is – we let someone else define what modesty is or is not – usually culture, or Hollywood or our children’s friends… and we would rather go along for the ride, instead of thinking about it and seeking the Truth for ourselves (forget about taking a stand and establishing morality and holiness).

So, by definition of modesty… in the holy sense of the word, can a swimsuit, which bares all but… can it be modest? I don’t mean a comparatively modest swimsuit (one compared to the -I heard a description recently from a comic- 2 potato chips and a band-aid – swimsuits). After all, why compare an ideal like Holy Modesty with something of such a low standard on the modesty scale?

Matt loves to go to waterparks. I hate it. He loves the fun of the rides. I hate seeing it all. I hate my children seeing it all. My 14 year old daughter. My 11 year old son. My 8 year old daughter. Amanda, at 18, and Jocelyn, at 17, already have their minds set on the matter, and the thought of going to a flesh-fest just makes them cringe. Me too. In addition to the fact that I don’t want the Littles to grow up insensitive to it.

It is a balancing act in this world. We rarely take our children to the grocery store anymore in the summer for this very reason. Eric constantly averts his eyes to mine whenever someone with it all hanging out walks towards us. It is just the way it is, but do we have to partake of it? The balancing: we cannot step away from the world and people who need the Lord either. We cannot be prejudiced against them. We cannot feel superior to them. I am talking about protecting our children from sin. I am also talking about Mrs. So-n-so who wears a mini-skirt and low-cut blouse and sits in the front pew at church or teaches our children’s Sunday school class…

Lots to think about. Lots to consider. Lots to pray about. Tomorrow is June 1st!

blessings!

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This article originally Posted HERE. Read the comments.

PLEASE ask your parents if you are not sure you should be reading this!

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A letter from True Christian Guys……

Girls,

Could we talk to you right out of our hearts for a few minutes?
It is awkward for us to talk about something of this nature, in person, so we thought we would write our feelings. We are young men who have been saved and filled with the Holy Spirit. We desperately want to live for Christ and not follow the ways of the world. Since we are indwelt with the “Holy” Spirit, we feel in our hearts that we should live “holy” lives. After all, our bodies are the temple, the sanctuary, the
place where the “Holy” Spirit lives and makes His home.

We know that guys and girls are affected differently, so since we desperately want to follow hard after God, could we kindly and respectfully ask you to help us with a few things?

We realize that girls are primarily stimulated or turned on by “touch.” But did you know that guys are turned on by “sight?” So when you are “aroused” (sexually awakened) by a guy’s “touch,” we are in the same way aroused by mere “sight.” Let us explain. When we see girls who are dressed in a suggestive, revealing, provocative, teasing, tantalizing manner, our sexual desires are aroused. Our bodies are then affected.

To be absolutely candid, let us give you some examples of what we are referring to:

If you are wearing a blouse that barely meets the waist of your slacks and some of your skin shows while you are moving around, or simply while you are walking, sitting, or kneeling, our minds are geared to wonder what more of your body would look like further up….This causes our bodies to respond biologically, and suddenly we are fighting a war in our minds and bodies. And that war of lust is continuing often long, even hours, after you are gone.

We (as christian men, who are trying to live a holy life) hate this, because our “righteous man” wants to think pure thoughts….

When you wear low-cut tops which are in any degree revealing, or when you bend over, and they are revealing, this again causes us big problems in the flesh. Or if the back is out of your top, we automatically think that you do not have the undergarment on, and the Spirit and the flesh begin to fight again. Or when we see any glimpse of your undergarments, such as straps and the like, we have trouble.What we are trying to say is this: If it is not for sale, don’t advertise it. We really feel that the still small voice of the Holy Spirit speaks to you and nudges you when it is too tight, too short, too low, or too revealing. Will you listen to that voice? For the Scripture says, “Quench not the Spirit.” (1 Thess. 5:19).

Girls, do you know what we would really like? We would like to come among our Christian sisters and not have to fight and struggle in the flesh. We do not need to have to wrestle in the flesh at church or at church activities. We men, whether young, old, single or married, are faced with this every day among girls of the “world.” But we would like to have rest in our Spirit man when we come among Christian girls. After all, doesn’t the Scripture tell us to “come out from among the world and be you separate, saith the Lord.” (2 Cor. 6:17) It also tells us that “all that is in the world, the lust of the eye, and the lust of the flesh, is not of the Father, but is of the world.” (1 John 2:15) We are the church, not the world.

We know that people often use the verse, “Man looketh on the outward appearance, but God looketh on the heart,” (1 Sam. 16:7) to condone anything they wish to wear. This is one of the most misused/used out-of-context verses in the Bible. Conversely, the fact is, if your heart is pure, your outward appearance will be modest….

Girls can be fashionable and modest at the same time. To be honest, we respect you more when your appearance is modest, as the Scripture commands in 1 Timothy 2:9. We really do not want the kind of girl who dresses provocatively, for we know that if we marry her, she will still be that way in the presence of other men once we are married.

We know that we have Christian responsibilities toward girls, too. We must be careful to portray ourselves properly. We must treat you like ladies. If we are really committed Christian guys, we will strive to treat you like Jesus would. After all, you are daughters of God.

Thank you, dear Christian sisters, for hearing our hearts on this subject. Once we have conveyed the truth of the matter to you, you become responsible before God for what you do with the truth. We really are “our brother’s keeper.” (Genesis 4:9.) We know that there is a “cult of conformity” in our generation, but we as Christians “march to the beat of a different drummer.”

Please, girls, do not say, “I don’t care,” but help us in these last days to live as close to Jesus as we can.

Thank you so much.
Sincerely,
“Committed Christian Guys”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

blessings!

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 This post was originally posted HERE. Read the comments.

You can read my comments, as well as further discussion on Christian modesty: Summertime: Modesty and Swimsuits

I am a pretty opinionated person about some things, so I want to preface my answer with a LOUD…. -this is what I have learned and apply to my life and am teaching our daughters and sons. I am not saying this to come down on someone who believes differently, ok? So, don’t think I am judging you if you disagree! On the other hand, if your feeling of judgment is coming from the Holy Spirit, please repent and ask forgiveness and beg the LORD to show you His ways.

I used to think that my husband should come home from a long day’s work and be ready to help me with our children and dinner or cleaning, etc. I mean, they are his children, too, right? And, he eats sleeps and lives here, too. And, I also agree that he should get the vehicles taken care of, the lawn mowed and manicured, the trash taken out… You get the picture.
There is also a time I must have thought it was ok for me to work outside the home, because I did for a few years. I justified it by telling myself and others that I worked at the Deli when My Sweetie was home with the kids, so, at least they weren’t at a babysitter’s.

Of course, I didn’t really see the frustration it put upon his heart, and as a by-product, probably theirs. I just told myself and agreed with all the well-meaning friends and family that the girls were building a better relationship with Daddy, and they did need to spend time with him. Well, I didn’t know then that I needed to open my eyes to what the LORD intends for “Time with Daddy”, I guess.

Then, there was working at the “Church Christian Daycare.” We really needed the money, I was there with the girls, so they weren’t ‘without me’, they were getting a pre-school education, and I could go on and on with my excuses, er, reasons….

Well, that was over ten years ago. The only thing I can give to refute these former opinions I had is this:

The Bible says,

3The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;

4That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,

5To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

Titus 2 KJV BibleGateWay.com

Now, I know that we can give all kinds of excuses as to why this is outdated or misunderstood or should be left open to individual interpretation and circumstance, or, my favorite – the Christian reason for not following what certain passages say: We are now under grace, so such-n-such verse doesn’t apply (in OT verse cases). But, that is not what God says. In this case, He says this -

3The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;

4That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,

5To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

Titus 2 KJV BibleGateWay.com

Ok? Now you see where I get my source for this answer. I really believe all the answers we need for life’s questions are in The Bible.

I must say, I have learned a LOT, and 1dd16 would be sure to tell you that I learned A LOT of this from resources at Vision Forum and Doug Phillips. Of course, this led me to others’ resources, too, like So Much More, by the Botkin Sisters.

But, I digress. I have gone through a lot of struggles and changes in this area in the past 6+ years. We are not a well-off family, financially. We have a lot to learn in that area, and are still learning from past mistakes, the hard way. That being said, I could VERY WELL justify my getting a job outside our home, with a steady paycheck.

My husband is one of the neatest, most organized people I have ever known. He actually could handle keeping our house clean. He could handle training our children to keep it clean, though not with the love and patience of a Mother. I am not saying he is not capable. What I am saying is God told ME to do it. If He told me to do it, then He will equip me, when I am ready to give up my own desires and opinions and let Him.

I am capable of working outside our home. But, God instructed My Sweetie to be responsible for this area of our lives, not me. There are some pretty strong verses -in the OT – about what the LORD thinks of him if he neglects this responsibility, not to mention the fact that this is a resposibility given to MAN in the garden. -Given to man, not to woman, before they were sent from the garden. Adam named all the species, etc. Then, with sin, came his curse to work all his days.

I was very involved in Church Leadership at one point in our lives. I led Worship, I was on the Missions Board, I co-led the Women’s Group, I led children’s Worship – and I neglected leading my children in Worship of our LORD. I spent time doing these things and neglected some of my responsibilities to my husband and children.

May I say, as with Homeschooling – Training our children – I do not care what the world tells us! I do not even care what the Christian Community tells us. If it panders to society’s opinions and does not line up with God’s WORD, it is sinful.

When are we going to just read His WORD? Doug Phillips makes a hilarious, but painfully true statement about Titus 2 living on one of his Biblical Cd’s that goes something like this….

* I don’t know what that means, but it can’t mean what it says, because that would be the plain meaning. *

I have another article already typed up that I wrote and may post soon, but I will end this one here.

I am happy and blessed to be a woman. I am happy and blessed by God to submit to my husband, to stay home and Keep His Home, Teach our Children and wait on him, training our children in true love and joy as God desires in my life.

I am blessed to NOT be a Woman of the year 2000. I am content to have what we have and not have what we don’t. I am also human, and struggle with my flesh, but I do desire Biblical Womanhood, as an act of obedience to my LORD.